Apologies

It has been awhile guys, hasn't it? A lot of stuffs had happened since and it has completely ate my positive outlook in life.

People come and go, and that's the problem. There are people making promises of how they will never leave, but they will still leave one day. I had this friend, a crush you could say. We met in school one day, and I got her number and stuffs. We started getting close together, and make sweet promises to each other like how we wouldn't leave each other.

Those promises can be easily broken, from every mistakes I or her make, it distanced ourselves further from each other. So much that we were just like total strangers. I felt like I did something wrong, why did she started avoiding me without telling me a reason. It affected me for days, even months. How someone so close to you at first, could become complete strangers at the next day.

She had all my attention, and you know when you focus on that someone so much, and when she suddenly leaves, you feel like you lost everything. And that's exactly how I felt. I wanted to know the answer of why she left, I wanted to know why. Was it because I said something wrong? Was it because she just lost her interest in me and find me annoying?

Those questions were left unanswered until now, but our relationship got better. Things improved and we are back to chatting. But when one side of your world gets better, the other just tumbles and fall, when you least expected it. That is exactly what is going on with me now. I neglected everyone else, I focus my attention too much on her, and because of that, I ignored the feelings of everyone else.


I could write a thousand word for my apology. And this, is directed to someone I had hurt recently.

I admit, I am a liar. One moment I could say I will be here for you and never leave you, but in the end, I just break my promise. I am truly sorry about it, but I am just so screwed up myself, how am I able to help others when I can't help myself. I liked you, and I even said I would do anything for you. I said I loved you, and nobody else. But temptation kicks in suddenly, and drags me in. That temptation was her, my crush, the one I was talking about at the start. She brought me in like a blackhole, and changed me in ways I could never imagine. It wasn't that bad as it sounds, and I wouldn't mind the way she was changing me. But I am still sorry for everything I had did.


It wasn't the end, I hurt someone else too earlier this year. and this is directed to her.

I am sorry for everything I did, and everything else I had fail to do. This entire year was a life changing experience for me, people come in and go in your life. At once it may seem like someone will never leave, the next day you become complete strangers with him. This taught me a lesson, I never learn to appreciate the people around me, like the start of the year I was probably hated by everybody. People didn't like me, and they still don't. I live in the life of fears hoping to ignore the people around me, wishing that one day I might find someone who actually cares, someone who actually knows what I go through. I can easily fight against this hate, and I understand the pain people go through when they experience something similar. But I can't find someone who cares. That someone simply does not exist, the more I isolate myself from this fear, the more people wants to stay away from me. That's what I did to you, I isolated myself from you, hoping to gain your attention. I messed with your feelings, and I never apologized for that. I am really sorry for everything. I don't expect anything from this apology, I only want to feel better knowing I did the right thing.