The truth

If you ask me, I will say that I have not been really honest with myself. I can easily list the reasons why I am so crazily in love with my crush, the positive things basically, but things that I hate about her?

Before I go on, I want to clarify that I am not trying to defame someone, or just rant about someone because I hate the person. I am just going to write about the problems I am facing, so it is more like a 'say out your problems' rather than a 'say out why your problems exist'. I have been in love with the same person for close to a year now, this passion of love, or maybe infatuation (can't really tell), has caused a change in me. A negative one. I have not only neglected the people around me, but starting to be more judgmental whenever someone's opinion differs from mine. Jealousy can be so simple yet so hurtful at the same time.

Honestly, I am jealous. Period. I get jealous whenever I see her with a guy. There is this meme that goes 'haters are jelly', and that's exactly me. I am jealous, and I hate both the guy and her at the same time. They always say that if you truly love someone, you will not be jealous about it, but give them your fullest blessings because you know that's what really makes her happy. But does it?

Everyone is two-faced. I can be nice to you and yet I can still talk shit about you when you are not around. How can I give my fullest blessings and not be jealous when you are obviously blind because the guy you are close with now used to talk shit about you to me and now he is just treating you like a princess and like you are everything? And is sending mixed signals always a specialty of girls? Like one day you can be so nice and caring and the next day you will be like sending one word replies. I've had enough and I don't want to hurt myself anymore. And I am not courageous enough to say that to your face so I am just going to indirect.

Thank you for everything.